[Writer Post] Pre-Show Insecurities – AKA Brain Weasels
I’m running back and forth between “Yay! It’s Wednesday!†and “Holy Cow, it’s Wednesday! ACK!†I’m participating in a media con this weekend for the first time (since I was a wee writer) as a panelist as well as being in the Artist Alley selling books. This has created a lot of excitement and even more anxiety on my end.
What doesn’t help relieve any of the (admittedly self-imposed) stress, is that being the first time since I did Project AKon many, many moons ago ONCE, I don’t know the process of how a convention/show is run. How are schedules communicated? How is the show set up? When does information go out? What if … what if… what if… Being the Pre-Planner that I am (which works pretty well in my Day Job), it stresses me out to think I might miss something I’m contracted for because somehow I missed the information.
So I asked questions. What felt like a TON of really STUPID questions, creating a spiral of “OMG, can I be any more NEEDY?†Because frankly, none of us want to be “That†panelist or person. The one who has to have every move told and have her hand held every step of the way. I’m not high-maintenance. I’m NOT (darn it!). I really hated asking the questions of the organizer because I KNOW how busy he is. I KNOW how thankless the programming portion of any convention is, so the last thing I want to do is “be a botherâ€.
Then the Coulda/Shoulda/Woulda/Oughtas started – which created a vicious, self-inflicted cycle that does NO ONE any good. BTW, if you didn’t know, writers are a bundle of weird insecurities – this one is mine. However, it’s going to be an AWESOME show. I know it. I claim it. I will make it the best possible thing I can – and hopefully people will come listen to me talk about size of publishers and moving plots and buy books.
I don’t write this to point fingers at anyone but me. These are my neuroses, which, if anyone else out there shares them – know you’re not alone. We’re a weirdly skittish bunch authors. What freaks out one is status quo for another (though my Status is NOT Quo). And after this weekend, I’ll know the process and – should I continue down this path – won’t freak out quite a much.
If I DID come off as needy and high-maintenance, I apologize. Brain weasels made me do it. That’s what we should call our weird neuroses – Brain Weasels (also the name of my next band) – which are the sad, unwanted rodent cousins of Plot Bunnies. I prefer the plot bunnies. OMG – Just Googled it. Brain Weasels are a THING. And they’re THIS thing.